


Care to explain why there are currently three reapers waiting outside of the bunker?

by pullmyfingerCRASHgiggles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting!Castiel, Implied Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Fluff, hurt!Dean, not smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:38:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pullmyfingerCRASHgiggles/pseuds/pullmyfingerCRASHgiggles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I could feel my heart pumping; I could hear it in my head. <br/>Thrum, thrum, thru-thrum, thrum, thrum, thrum---thru-thrum<br/>Irregular and deafening. <br/>My room was trashed, I spent hours perfecting it and everything was destroyed and torn to shreds, all of it scattered around me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Care to explain why there are currently three reapers waiting outside of the bunker?

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic on here, only a short one shot.  
> I hope you like it, no smut but implied destiel   
> :)

Dean’s POV

I could feel my heart pumping; I could hear it in my head.

_Thrum, thrum, thru-thrum, thrum, thrum, thrum---thru-thrum._

Irregular and deafening.

My room was trashed, I spent hours perfecting it and everything was destroyed and torn to shreds, all of it scattered around me.

My knees were sore and my thighs burned from staying kneeled on the floor in the middle of the catastrophe that was my fit of anger, the only thing louder than my heart was my useless crying. Crying does no good and solves nothing except I couldn’t stop wheezing out sobs, not matter how hard I tried.

It was all too much, life was blinding and escaping from it looked far too appealing now, whenever I'm shooting some bastard I can always feel my finger twitch at the thought of turning the gun to my own face. It all felt too real, especially with the goddamn tears streaming down my face, I tried wiping them away but it was no use if they just kept coming.

I wished that I could be like a normal guy, just floating along, knowing that anything I might do didn’t matter in the long run.

“DEAN!” I heard him scream, the voice that I knew so well, he sounded so hurt, so broken with that one insignificant word on his lips.

I needed to find him and help him, that’s my job.

“Dean.” His voice cracked and I sighed.

I had done that to his voice, it was once so clear and sure of its purpose.

He was once whole, he wasn’t in a constant battle before me.

His voice used to be unfamiliar to me, now as broken as it was, it meant that I was safe.

But what meant safe to him?

Did he have anyone to stitch him together after I had torn him apart?

I forced my hands away from clutching my skull as I willed myself to stand up, ignoring the burn in my legs.

I made myself look at him, my fallen angel.

He looked like his voice, broken. Torn apart.

His eyes dimmed as they took me in,

“Dean I...” He started but something caught in his throat, making him blink hard.Making him blink back the tears.

He looked so indecisive, unsure on what to do with me.

Throw me back into the pit please.

He seemed to settle for anger instead of letting his emotions run free, he knows from watching me that once they’re free you can’t lock them back away.

It doesn’t work like that.

“Care to explain why there are currently three reapers waiting outside of the bunker?” His voice cracked again, a few of those damn tears overflowing from his eyes; he blinked and looked at the gun that was by my feet, he seemed mesmerised by it.

“You know the answer to that.” I said, harsher than I had expected to but I knew Cas would understand.

He understands and accepts me. Which is making everything that much more difficult.

“I wish that I didn’t know the answer, Dean.” His bottom lip quivered and he shifted his weight, furiously blinking his tears away.

“Then pretend that you don’t.”

Pretend that you don’t care.

Pretend none of this ever happened.

Pretend you never saved me.

Pretend I don’t exist.

Pretend that I didn’t hurt you.

Pretend that I didn’t destroy you.

Just, _pretend._

“How does one pretend that you do not matter?” He tilted his head to the side.

“Just leave me alone, Castiel.” I growled, frantically trying to push my feelings back into their box.

“No.” He said firmly, shifting his weight again.

“Cas.” I warned.

His jaw set, eyes on mine.

“DAMMIT CAS! GO!”

“No.” He said quietly but with force.

I gritted my teeth and swung at him, my arms pushing at his chest, attempting to make him fall.

He stumbled backwards but grabbed both of my wrists, pulling me towards him.

I fought his steel grip wildly but to no avail, Cas knew what I needed and I needed him to just be there and deal with the shit I was throwing at him.

I calmed once I could hear his ragged breathing and frenzied heart next to my ear, and I could smell his unearthly smell.

I yelled into his shoulder, opening the box of feelings that I couldn’t shut.

Wordless screams of anguish escaped my throat as he wordlessly lowered us to the floor.

“I'm sorry Cas. I just can’t do this anymore.”

“I know.” He put on a strong face but I noticed that he turned to the wall so I couldn’t see him properly.

“I thought I could do it.” I was violently shaking and he held me tighter, kissing my hair. “I'm so sorry.” I clutched his coat. “I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I needed you.”

I felt some of his silent tears fall into my hair, I'm glad they were silent or I wouldn’t have heard him whisper.

“I need you too, Dean. I've needed you for a very long time. I wouldn’t survive without you. You’re _everything_.”


End file.
